SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN xP

December 18, 2010 at 12:24 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dear Gaians,

For years, Xmas has been slipping away from me. First I was mind-swapped with a cow by those dastardly Zurg, and it took me a miserable two years to get my old body back! Then, last year, just when I was all rested up and ready to deliver presents, I was forced to go into hiding due to a terrible, unspeakable threat…

But I’m through hiding! I’m no coward! If shadowy assassins want to rip me to bits– or set my head on fire, like they did to that poor jellyfish demigod– they’ll just have to come and try it. I’ll be right here waiting for them.

I know, I know, it seems like something always comes along and mysteriously incapacitates me right before Xmas. But not this year! I’m utterly confident that I won’t somehow be tragically killed or horribly mutilated right before my favorite holiday.

Tonight I’m going to rip up my life insurance policy in the presence of a licensed notary. I’m going to rewrite my will to stipulate that all my possessions be thrown in a volcano. Do you know why, boys and girls? Because NOTHING could possibly go wrong this year.

I’m telling you, I feel invincible. I’m not scared anymore. No harm can come to me. This year, come hell or high water, I’ll be delivering Xmas gifts again!

Yours most sincerely,
-Santa Claus

P.S. – You know what I missed most during my long absence? Getting wonderful letters from all the good boys and girls of Gaia! Please feel free to send me a private message– I can’t reply to all of them, but I’d be delighted to hear from you!

Read on for an important message from the elves!

Hey, you got a minute? 

We’re as excited about Xmas as Santa is– it’s great to have him back, make no mistake– but he’s been acting a little funny lately.

He’s never been the most safety-conscious guy, but ever since he decided to come out of hiding, he’s been swaggering around like nothing can hurt him. Waltzing around the workshop without a hard hat, taunting the reindeer during rutting season– that kinda stuff. We’d hate to see some terrible accident befall him just when he’s finally ready to deliver presents again.

I was wondering if you could do us a favor. We’ve been busy making toys for all the good kids, so maybe you could come up for a quick visit and keep an eye on Santa’s safety a little bit. We could really use your help.

But you shouldn’t spend all your time keepin’ an eye on that big doofus– there’s plenty more holiday cheer to be had! You should visit the Xmas forum and send a nice card to a friend, or go caroling in the shops!



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